Business opportunity

Tracy told me she did a deep conditioning treatment on her hair and that it really made a difference. I wanted to do it too, and asked her what she bought. She said she didn’t remember the name, but that it was in a brown envelope and it cost about a dollar.

I went to Wal-Mart with the boys and looked for it. I didn’t pay that much attention to the brown envelope that cost $.98 because it was the only brown envelope. I figured it had to be the same thing.

That night, I got into the shower after going to running club (3 miles) to try it out. It was then that I looked at the name on the package: Henna ‘n’ Placenta.

I reread it: Placenta.

It had an asterisk beside it that led me to the bottom to inform me: *animal placenta.

Is that better? I wondered.

But I was IN the shower WITH dry hair WITH the envelope in my hand. It was really hard to open. I tried not to take it as a sign that I shouldn’t use it. I gingerly at first, then vigorously applied it to my hair. If I was placenting my hair, I was going to go all the way. Besides, Tracy said it really worked.

I got out and asked Kris, “Did you see the name on this envelope?”

“Yes! It’s disgusting!” Kris said. “You really used it?”

I texted my sister. “Was it called henna placenta??!!”

She sent back, “No. Dr Miracle’s Deep Conditioning Treatment.”

Darn. Now I was the sole person with placenta in my hair, and even Kris knew it.

The next morning I got up and put it in a ponytail, because I didn’t like the idea of the residue being anywhere near my face. I resolved to shower as soon as the boys got up.

I heard Cole calling me, and Kris and I went in his room at the same time. I hugged Cole and the first words out of his mouth were, “Mom, your hair smells like running club.” Kris and I laughed so hard.

So I guess that’s the tradeoff. My hair looks nice, but smells exactly like sweaty clothes.

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What my friends and family said when I told them this:

Julie: Annoying, since you get animal placenta for free. 98 cents down the drain (so to speak).

Suzie: You could have your own perfume called Running Club. I am actually impressed that Wal-Mart openly sells a product with placenta in it. We might as well be in San Francisco, who knew?

Dad: All I can say is that if you only smelled like running club, you did all right.

Mom: Now I think about all those placentas during calving season – there’s a possible market for them! You and Kris could brew something.

Anyone interested? I'll only charge you $.50.